By: Erin Zysett, Salem sponsor (and Adult Adviser)
A common refrain from youth leaders, sponsors and advisors to any youth attending a CON is “Don’t get CAC’ed!” Meaning: don’t break the rules. Don’t break community. Be present. Be healthy. Be connected. I agree with the spirit of this message. Ideally, we don’t want a broken community. We want healthy behavior from everyone, but I am realistic enough to know you must always meet people where they are, and people don’t always come to us from a healthy place. It is our job, it is our calling, and it is our purpose to bring people along the path to our healthy, embracing, unbroken place of love. We can’t expect that everyone will start here.
It is common knowledge by now that we had a CAC at this past CON. I want to go on the record now saying I am thrilled. I was one member of the CAC team, and what I saw was the most beautiful example of ministry I have ever witnessed. CACs are not about punishment; they are about holding people accountable and getting them the support they need. Because, make no mistake, if a person lands in a CAC there is a call for help buried somewhere nearby.
This past CON was all about passing the torch, embracing our roots, learning from our history and owning our future. Having our first CAC in 3 CONs was a fantastic way to live up to our theme. It was a reaffirmation of the incredible ministry we do with CONs. To me, all the fun: lap tag, hair dying, capture the flag, dancing and singing workshops, the silliness and the No Talent Shows…these are just the shared experiences used to lay the trust-lines needed to draw people back in when they go astray. The fun leads to the deeper ministry done in touch groups, workshops and especially CACs.
CACs are a sign that our community is healthy and operating the way it should. It means someone in the community has gone astray, and someone else has cared enough for them and for our group to bring them back in line. We cannot be naive enough to think that no one breaks the rules, but we must recognize that when they do, someone has failed them in along the way. Perhaps the person wasn’t ready for the responsibility of a CON, and we failed by turning them lose in one too soon. Perhaps they haven’t connected enough at their home congregation and are hiding their pain. That is a failure of honesty on their part and observance on ours. CONs are intense emotional experiences that can create huge break-throughs for many people; some people are ready for those break-throughs. Some people are not. Those who aren’t will often revert to old modes of coping and disconnecting. They will run from comfort and emotional health. CACs are a time to not only hold them accountable, but ourselves as well. They are a time to examine the path we are all on, take stock of our surroundings and pull out the moral compass. We must prop up the offender, hold their hand, and find our way back to a place of love before we pass any form of judgment or accountability. In order to do what is fair and right for all, we must start with an open, loving heart. That is sometimes hard to remember in the midst of what feels like betrayal, but is a necessity for healing and reconciliation. The CAC process allows us time and space to breathe, get back on track and reconcile our mutual pain.
Fall CON 2011 reminded me why I do the work I do. I will still begin every CON weekend with the mandate: Don’t get CAC’ed! But, I will now add: it is so much easier to trust and ask for help before we land in a CAC. I will say this with the knowledge that not everyone can ask for help. Not everyone knows they need help until they are in too deep. Just know that I and others will meet you where you are, take you by the hand, and lead you back into community. We love you. We may have to send you away from CON for awhile, to give you room to work on self-love. Yet, in the midst of exile, please believe we are holding this very special space open for you—a sort of spiritual Robbie Rule—and we eagerly await your return.
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